Once on a time, with nought to do at home,
My wife and I determined we would roam;
But to agree upon the route,
Admitted much domestic doubt:
If I said East, she said 't was best,
She thought, to travel to the West;
So after many arguments and brawls,
She brought me, nolens, volens, to the FALLS.
"A man convinced against his will,
Is of the same opinion still;"
As Butler says ― though 't is the wit
More than the sense that I admit;
For I came here to end the strife
Between myself and my good wife.
Well, after staying here a week,
I took a rather curious freak;
For after having often been
At every celebrated scene,
I thought I'd study the effect they made
On men of different country ― of different trade.
The first, he was an Irishman;
The second was a Scot;
The third was an American;
The fourth I knew not what;
The fifth was a Canadian ―
Their names I will not tell:
But their remarks upon the Falls
I still remember well:
"O Vanagher, you're surely bate,
For on my soul they're mighty nate." ― (Pat.)
"I'am no that sorry I cam' here,
But by my sooth that public's dear;
So when I've written doon my name,
I'll tak' my boondle an' gang hame. ― (Sawney.)
"Them Falls I've seen from every quarter,
And judge them but a waste of water." ― (Jonathan.)
"Ce'st grande, superbe' ma foi,
Magnifique ― O, by Gar! ver pretty!" ― (Jean Baptiste)
